I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
