Rock
Scissors
Fuck
id be glad to
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
