my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
