sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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