i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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