my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
