Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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