How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
