You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
