grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
