She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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