I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
