i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize