Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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