Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
