I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
