As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
