I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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