Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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