I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
