She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
