i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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