I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
