I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
