FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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