hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You've changed since you got that strap on
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
