Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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