somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
