apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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