my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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