Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
the liver wants what the liver wants
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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