If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
