I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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