Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
vagina is talking i cant
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
