yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
