Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I need a beard to bite.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
