if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
