Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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