What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
