an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
