I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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