The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
God, I missed his penis.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
