What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
