My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
