i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
