so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
