i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
