just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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