My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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