he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
