About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
