Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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