Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
