It's like God shit irony all over that family
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
