you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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