I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
