evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
