the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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