He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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