everyone is single if you try hard enough
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
