It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
