I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
