RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
honey bunches of taint.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
