I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
