first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize