We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize