Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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