new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Help. Why am I so naked?
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