i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
