you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize
